Let me tell you about my dating life before I met Tanner. In high school, the boys I “dated” were simply boys who wined and dined me (not literally wined since I am LDS), but who were kind enough to get to the first kiss and realized I was not sleazy. Then we would be done and over because I was not lowering my values for them. That was high school in a nutshell for you. I stayed officially single for my whole, well most of, my high school career.
Then came Idaho. I was probably the only girl in Idaho who managed to go there, be surrounded by great LDS boys, and date all of the jerks and the nonmembers. Yes, I had a talent for finding the cream of the crop. Note my sarcasm. It is highly intended. For all intensive purposes, I dated “losers” most of my college life. In fact, most of them were not even real boyfriends. They should never of had the title. But I choose to see the best in these people so I will say that they will make wonderful boyfriends for someone else; just not what I wanted for myself in the end.
I’ll never forget the night I met Tanner. It was probably the second weekend of the new semester in January of 2009. One of my dearest and best friends, Danielle, had come up from Provo to spend the weekend in Rexburg. Let me just say, any friend who would leave Utah to come to Idaho is a dang good friend. Not hating on Rexburg but there’s a lot more recreational activities and things to keep you busy in general in Utah. So anyways, back to my story. Danni was over, and we were getting ready for a dance. One of those “cool” dance parties we used to go to where I caked on way too much makeup and made my hair big. I had a best guy friend in Idaho. Let’s be clear from the start. Many “best guy friends” and their “best girl friend” end up together or have things for each other but not me and Daniel Tyler VanDeventer. He was just hilarious and I guess back then I was hilarious too so it worked. Well, Dan was coming over to meet up with Danni and I before this dance. When he showed up, he had a few friends with him. His new roommates. I remember Tanner was this HUGE muscle man with the prettiest eyes and he was perfect. He was even blonde and I never went for blonde guys! I thought he was way attractive but guessed that nothing would happen since let’s face it, we were going to a dance party where he probably was planning on having a good time and meeting girls. So I kept my cool, don’t worry. Dan introduced me & Danni to Tanner and his younger brother Scott who was there as well. We also met Jason Laughlin, oh the infamous Laughlin. He is a story in and of himself! I can’t remember but I believe their roommate Dusty was there too. So, unfortunately there wasn’t room in one car to go so we took Danni’s and Dan’s. I rode with Danni and Scott, Tanner’s little brother came with us. I was hoping for Tanner but didn’t work out.
The funny thing is about this story; Tanner told me that as soon as he saw me he thought I was the most gorgeous girl ever! Okay, maybe not his exact words but he told me he was interested as soon as he laid eyes on me. That’s still adorable! We also laugh because he was the first blonde I was every truly attracted to you (no offense to blondes, just brunettes were more my thing), and I was the first brunette he thought was gorgeous. He always dated blondes. So it worked out. Anyways, back from my tangent.
Anyways the dance was a dance. Nothing special. Although I noticed I would oddly already get jealous when Tanner was dancing with any girl. This was strange for me because I am not a jealous person! And usually with boys I basically had to get rid of them because I’d be so bored of them from them chasing me. But this time it was different. I could already tell I was interested which didn’t happen super easily.
I remember after the dance hanging out at a house and playing with their dog and Tanner came and joined. I was thinking how adorable he was and was hoping that Danni didn’t go after him because let’s face it, she’s probably the prettiest girl alive, and I knew I wouldn’t stand a chance.
Well in the next couple of days I saw Tanner here and there at his apartment when I was over talking and raving about who knows what to Dan. Tanner says one of his first memories of me was hearing me say to Dan at their kitchen table, “I am NOT having a boyfriend this semester. There is no way.” Tanner says this influenced him and delayed him in asking me to be official with him because he thought I did not want a boyfriend from that stupid statement I made. Well boy was he wrong.
One night a group of us was watching a movie at Dan’s. I had told Dan I thought Tanner was adorable and that I wouldn’t mind having him kiss me. Dan took this literally and when we were all getting ready to watch the movie, informed the group of us that we must sit boy girl across the couch and strategically placed Tanner mushed next to me. Tanner put his arm around me, and later informed me that Dan had told him what I had told Dan in confidence. Oh Daniel! Well Tanner basically snuggled me in the movie, so after I was not about to let him get off easily. I was about to leave and Tan had not even asked for my number. “Oh heck no!” I thought to myself. “So. Should I get your number or were you going to get mine?” Tanner looked pleasantly surprised! He got my number and gave me his. A double win if I’d ever seen one!
We spent the next few days texting, and later on in our relationship Tanner told me that he loved when girls were not shy and when they went out of their way and made the first move. It’s something he was very attracted to with me that I was not afraid to go for what I wanted. He said he loved how for those next few days I would text him funny things that happened or ask how his day was going. He could tell I was a fun loving person who was genuinely interested in his life as well. Things escaladed from there and we were seeing each other or going on a date almost every evening and night of the week. I was in heaven!
I still was not sure if Tanner and I were official so unfortunately I started dating other boys at the same time. No I was not cheating, I just didn’t know that we were exclusive because when I asked him timidly a month or two before I went home for the summer about what we were doing, he said he did not do long distance relationships and that we could continue dating when I came back that next window if we were both still single. If I’m being honest with you, this really peeved me! Who says that? Well I’d show him! So I dated other boys hoping I wasn’t wasting my time on Tanner because I was smitten by him. I had never met a boy as good looking, with as much charm, and so kind! He did spontaneous things for me like leave my favorite candy on the front seat of his car and my favorite soda, which I called “pop” before I met him there as well. He always opened my door, and he always drove me home and was so kind to all of my friends as well. He was a charming gentleman and still is today. I remember coming home one day and telling my roommates, “I’m going to marry that Walker boy one day,” and of course they all laughed because we had not even said, “I love you” or even become “official.” But I didn’t laugh because I was actually pretty dang serious. I was head over heels crazy for this boy, but scared to show it because of a few reasons. I was scared because I didn’t know where we stood and I didn’t want to waste my time on him if he didn’t feel the same way, and I w as scared because with past boys I had never been this crazy about them so I wasn’t sure what came next. I was only 20! And tanner was 25!
Well I’ll tell you about the night Tanner and I absolutely knew we would spend eternity with each other. It was one of the best nights of my life. We hadn’t even said I love you yet but I loved him with all I had and I knew he loved me back. In fact, he later admitted that he had loved me after the first few weeks of spending so much time with me. My roommates threatened to kick me out of the apartment, well technically lock me out, if I came home from our date without saying “I love you.” Now in every other relationship I’d been in the boy had told me he loved me after about the first few days or couple weeks at the latest, and so I will be honest, this freaked me out to tell Tanner I loved him! What if he didn’t love me back? What if he thought I was Looney Tunes? What if what if? There were so many questions running through my head. Tan had taken me to the duck pond. One of our favorite places ever. We always fed the ducks, held hands, walked around, and shared sweet kisses! This night we were talking and watching the water in his car. It was chillier since it was nighttime. It was near the end of the semester and I was so nervous because I knew I was about to get locked out if I failed. I also knew I’d be an idiot if I couldn’t say “I love you” and to chance not having Tanner when I came back from summer and fall break. I started giggling. Tanner looked at me, with a kind smile on his face. All of a sudden I started giggling uncontrollably and it was a very nervous giggle. “What is it? What Lindsay?”
“Um… well, I have something I have to tell you! But I really can’t! But I really have to tell you it or I have no place to sleep.”
“I think I already know what it is,” he said grinning.
“No you don’t. You do not know what it is!”
“Oh but I think I do,” Tanner stated.
“Okay, what do you think it is? What do you think I’m going to say?” I challenged him.
“I love you?” Tanner said.
“YES!!! I love you!” I said. These three words had never felt so good.
“I love you too!!!” He then told me he had loved me for a long time but had been terrified to say it in case I did not feel the same way. He also said he knew I loved him but wasn’t sure how I’d take it actually hearing it when I had, at the beginning of the semester, been so set on not having a boyfriend. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I was when I had confirmation that Tanner loved me as much as I loved him. I believe I always knew it but I just didn’t want to admit it like I mentioned earlier. As soon as we said “I love you” we held each other close and talked about when we would be married and what temple. We had both already known it was going to happen but now we could move forward because we said it. I remember calling my mom at about 5 or 6 in the morning her time because I was too excited to sleep! I knew who my forever was. My mom was thrilled because she had known how scared I’d been to given someone my all, and she knew from the day I met Tanner that I wanted something from him. There had been countless conversations on the phone with her about what to do about Tanner and the feelings I was having.
The end of the semester came and Tanner and I had no idea what was in store for us when it came to dealing with long distance. And I can’t tell you how upset I was with my dad that spring. My dad was being a total dad about me getting married and thought I was way too young and inexperienced with life to even think about marriage. He told me that Tanner and I could wait awhile if we truly wanted to get married. I told him no. My mom prayed for him and so did I that he would have a softened heart and realize that this was something I knew was right. I remember the drive my dad took me on. He literally took me on a drive to our old house about twenty minutes away in Ann Arbor to have a talk about me marrying Tanner. He said that it wasn’t going to happen for a while. I told him it was happening and he’d have to get used to it. Then he told me he was more open to the idea. That drive was a turning point because I knew once he met Tanner everything would be okay. Tanner flew in to visit and meet my family in May, and to potentially talk to my dad. My dad immediately fell in love with Tanner, as did the rest of my family. I always tease that my mom would marry him if she weren’t already married. She thinks he is the greatest thing ever! And he is. After he left, my dad told me that he would grant Tanner permission to take my hand in marriage. I was so excited! I don’t think you understand. I’ve never been that ecstatic about anything in my life! I, Lindsay Anne Paxman, was going to be Lindsay Anne Walker by the end of the summer. I had never wanted anything so badly in my life!
Tanner eventually got the courage mustered up to call my Dad and have the conversation about marrying me. I remember spying in my parents’ bedroom windows at my dad at his desk trying to see how it was going. You better believe I dialed Tanner’s number as fast as I could once he got off the phone with my dad to see how it went. Clearly, it went perfect. After that wedding plans are all a blur! All I know is we took engagements the first time Tanner was there before he even asked, and we looked darn cute together! Take a look down below.
I say Tanner saved me, and I mean that. Tanner showed me how much value I have. And I’m not saying he did it on his own but he did have the most impact on me. Tanner showed me that I was beautiful not only on the outside, but on the inside as well. Tanner showed me what encouragement felt like from a dedicated man in my life. He showed me that I did not have to lower my standards to be treated well. He respected me always and always does. He treats me like a gentleman. Even after two and a half years of marriage he has never once raised an angry voice to me. Tanner showed me what it’s like to have someone stay calm and to not give up on me. Tanner believed in me, showed me I was someone, an important someone, and that I could be loved right and for the right reasons. Simply said, Tanner saved me. I would not be who I am today if it hadn’t been for Tanner.
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