Judgment

Making judgments of others is something that I have strived not to do for so long. Of course, we know there are the healthy judgments that have to be made. Like should I ride home in this car with these friends of mine who have been drinking? Or should I really trust so and so with lending money to them? These judgments are necessary and healthy actually because they allow you to set boundaries. But judgments made on an individual who I know nothing about, that’s something I feel I have done very well at steering clear from. Why? I have steered free of them because I have had judgments passed on me.
I remember after Chris dying feeling judged. I felt judged that people thought I was depressed or something. I remember walking through the halls of our high school after he had died, the first day back at school. I remember leaving class randomly in the middle, because something triggered a memory and I’d burst out in tears. I’d literally just walk out the door until I could compose myself. I felt judgments then. Sure, some people understood and knew what I was dealing with, others did not. But I still felt judged. I hated feeling like people were talking about me and feeling sorry for me. I didn’t want that.
Another thing I often felt judged from was people thinking I was stuck up and mean. I have been told that my “normal” face or “thinking” face as I have labeled them just looks mean. I don’t sit there and smile all the time because that feels awkward to me. So even if I’m in the best mood ever, my normal face may not seem very kind. It’s not that I’m mean at all though, or stuck up. I’m actually the opposite of both those two! But I can’t tell you how many roommates from college or boys and girls in high school and college told me they thought I was super stuck up and mean the first time they saw me. Not met me but saw me. Because as soon as they met me, they knew I was nothing but kind and that I had a huge open heart to anyone who waltzed into my life.
Let’s see. Another judgment I felt throughout high school was that I did things such as having sex, getting high, and drinking. When in reality, I have never done any of these things in high school. And I only did one of them after I was married. I’ll leave that to you to decide which thing that was. But anyways, I had friends who did all three of these things, actually most of my friends did. And I felt as though people automatically assumed I did them until they actually got to know me.
One last judgment I often felt was that I was this “dumb blonde.” You know, this “pretty” girl who is dumb. And not calling myself pretty, but it’s something I have always been told I am. And that’s not being conceited; it’s showing you how I felt judged. I often felt like because I was “pretty” I was not “smart” or at least that’s what others thought. And often times I proved them right by not applying myself in certain classes like math, but I knew that I was smart and this judgment and stereotype was hurtful. I actually began to truly believe that I was stupid. I remember coming home from school one day and being overly sensitive because of hearing how many times I was hilarious because I was so “clueless.” And I should let you know, people who called me “stupid” didn’t directly say that word. They just made fun of me at my expense when it came to school and me. They were my good friends, and I laughed along like I thought my lack of knowledge was funny. Anyways, I remember coming home from school and just breaking down to my dad and crying. My dad reminded me that nobody should ever be calling me this, and told me how smart I was and how capable I was. I won’t ever forget that. It was one of those turning points for me. To know that my parents knew who I really was and that I was capable; they believed in me. That still means the world to me, to this day. I’m sure it always will.
College was great. But I still knew there was judgments passed on me. Most of these were totally wrong. I remember going to a fun dance party, where my friend Kariana and I were dressed as cowgirls. We looked cute in my opinion! And boys must have thought so too because we got a lot of attention. It was all good attention though, clean attention. Well when we were leaving the dance party, a group of girls were outside. I found out later one of them had a boyfriend who thought I was pretty. I was not even aware of this and hardly said two words to him the whole time I knew him. Well, they ruined my night. When I was walking by them with Kariana, they said, “Wow they’re skanks!” They were looking directly at us. I basically had to hold Kariana back not to throw a punch at them. It was just so rude! I was so far from being a skank. I remember breaking down to my dad yet again telling him how the girls at BYU Idaho were terrible. Lucky for me, I was proved wrong on my own judgment by having the best roommates in the world. I adored them!
My point in sharing all of these judgments with you is to let you know how hurtful they are. And also to let you know how far from the truth they usually are. Yes, it is arguable that judgments are okay, because sometimes they’re crucial. But even in doing so, always be Christ like and kind. Always remember before pointing fingers and judging that the person you are being unkind to is everything to someone. Our Savior and Heavenly Father also love them just as much as they love you. I have learned that everyone has their story, and they deserve a chance to tell it. Judgments are harsh. They shouldn’t be passed and it’s not our job to pass them. So I try my hardest not too. Because one day I will need mercy and I want to be deserving of it. Rather than judging, try loving. You never know what friends you will gain. You never know what battles someone is fighting. But I can promise you people are fighting battles. Until I met Tanner, I felt like I was dealing with this hidden broken heart that I kept very protected. People didn’t know about it, but rather for the most part judged on what they thought they saw in me and knew “about” me. They were always pleasantly surprised to find out who I really was and what I was really about. If you take the time to love rather than judge you will always be better off.