I don’t think I’ve ever got myself in so many shenanigans than I have with Allison. We were always up to something. Bending the rules, doing something funny, or just being careless teenage girls. We had the most inside jokes that have ever existed in a friendship. Oh where to begin!
I guess I can start with our nicknames. Allison called me “Linda” one day randomly and it stuck. Everyone actually started calling me “Linda,” so I called her “Alberta.” That stuck too. It actually feels weird for me to call her Allison, so for all intensive purposes, I may randomly slip and call her either name in this chapter.
Alberta and I never did anything “normal” together. In fact, one of our favorite things to do was drive around town. Yes, we would drive around, honk at people, hit up fast food places, and our favorite; “stalk” people. Now before you freak out and call the cops, realize that we were not literally stalking people. It sounds worse than it was. We would just happen to be by someone’s home or work, etc. and drive by and see if we got a glimpse of them. Okay, actually, that sounds pretty bad. You had to be there though. It was hilarious! There was actually a day where we found leaves on the side of the road that people had raked onto the curb to be carried away by the garbage men. We would take the leaves, and pile them up on my front windshield then we would take turns driving with our windshield covered in leaves, and using our wipers to get rid of them. Speaking of car wipers, Alberta’s were out of control on her “danger ranger” truck. You could literally stick the wipers straight out without snapping them. So we would drive around downtown Ann Arbor that was always packed with people, to see them. Sometimes if we were feeling like making people laugh extra hard, we would stick something on the end of the wipers like a glove, etc.
I remember this one time we were supposed to be at a “talent show” for our school, but we were really going to meet up with some of our guy friends from Milan High School on a school night. Looking back I don’t know why we didn’t just tell our parents the truth but we didn’t. Our parents had both given us canned food to take to the talent show, because that was how they let students in. You gave canned food that was then donated. I remember Alberta driving in her ranger truck and saying, “Now Linda! Fast!” Clearly, she wanted me to ditch the food. So I did! While we were driving 50mph I threw all of the canned food out the window one by one so her mom wouldn’t find it in her truck. We had a lot of funny things like this happen! Once, when she had done poorly in her college classes, she called me in a panic asking if I was home. “Linda! Are you home?”
“I’m actually just pulling out of my driveway right now. Why what’s up?”
“LINDA ANNE!!! Go to my mailbox RIGHT now! Before my mother does!” I didn’t even have to ask. I knew it was her report card. So I drove by and picked that bad boy up for her. We were always pulling funny stuff like this. I don’t know what I would have done without that girl.
We used to have this old group of friends that we hung out with when we were sophomores and juniors mostly. They were all older than us, and boys, so they had cars. And for some reason our friends had the coolest cars. Well Alberta and I decided to call them all up and have them drive by her house when we were bored hanging out in her room. I think we were supposed to meet them outside or something but about a half an hour later, five cars or so kept driving around her house in a line. It was hilarious! We just watched from her bedroom windows and never went out to see them. Her older sister, Amanda, came in and said, “What are you guys looking at?” We quickly blurted out, “The STARS! Outside in the sky!” I don’t know why it was so funny but it was. Just seeing those boys drive in circles for forever looking for us.
You should have seen us try to get ready for our combined birthday party. November 16 she would turn 13, and November 29 I would be 14. We were in the same grade so we decided to have a combined birthday party. Her mom told us we should probably clean their basement since we were hosting it at the lovely Cody residence. So we went in the basement and Allison started vacuuming. Of course, this couldn’t just go normal for us, because nothing did. Soon, she vacuumed up a thing of fishing wire; yes, fishing wire. The entire vacuum started smoking! I have never seen anything quite like it. So you better believe when I said, “Oh my gosh your vacuum is smoking!” Allison couldn’t handle it. She literally peed her pants. To make matters worse, she tried to get rid of the pee smell with throwing vacuum powder over it. It turned the carpet bleach white when we vacuumed over it with the smoking vacuum and left a permanent mark. We have not looked at the basement carpet the same way since.
But what did we do in our spare time? The answer to that would be we went to Bemis Road. There was this old road called “Bemis Road” that was so fun with a HUGE hill in it. We would drive all the way out there, wasting tons of gas of course, and then without our seatbelts on Allison would drive as fast as she could going around the corner and flying over the hill. We would get air! We used to squeeze a third person into the truck or make other people take us like Rolson and Mitchell Girbach, our boyfriends of approximately one week, but it was never the same in other cars. There was something about that truck and Bemis. This would pass hours of our time; literally. It never got old.
While I’m remembering driving stories, I should mention the one where we got my car stuck in Allison’s driveway. It was winter and we were trying to get through her driveway, and got stuck at the very end of it. We tried shovels and everything. Nothing could get my car out! Finally we did with a little help. But I remember we sat in my car laughing, because we had dialed about five people to come help us and all of them had “excuses.” Just then, on the radio, the song, “Find Out Who Your Friends Are” by Tracy Lawrence came on. It was perfect “Run your car off the side of the road, get stuck in a ditch right out in the middle of nowhere. Or get yourself in a bind; lose the shirt off your back. Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare. This is where the rubber meets the road, this is where the cream is gonna rise. This is what you really didn’t know; this is where the truth don’t lie. You find out who your friends are, somebody’s gonna drop everything, run out and crank up their car. Hit the gas, get there fast, never stop to think, ‘What’s in it for me? Or it’s way too far.’ They just show on up with their big old hart, you find out who your friends are.” This seriously sums up our lives. A comedy! And I can tell you; Allison was and continues to be a true friend. Love her to pieces!
Schmier’s , or Mr. Schmier’s class was something I will never forget. Junior year, we had geography together. And boy did we make that class! Every day there was something hilarious that happened in it. They made our class shirt, with quotes on the back of it, based off of things that Alberta and I had said through the semester. I mean, how many people can say that about them? I remember in class one day, we were all silent reading the Times magazine to ourselves, and Allison gets hers, looks at the cover and says out loud to break the silence, “OH MY GOSH! An anorexic elephant?!” It was a dead elephant. But it cracked us all up! That girl never fails to make myself, or anyone else’s day brighter, or to make me laugh.
For about a week, Allison and I dated two best friends; Rolson, also known as Ryan Olson, and Mitchell Girbach, who most people know of by the name of Mitch. Now let me be clear. These boys and us literally have just about nothing in common. I’m not even quite sure why we dated them. I think we wanted to hang out more so we figured if we dated best friends that could work, and also, we were sort of going through a weird time losing some people who were close to us, and dating them seemed like the best idea since they were dealing with it too. Anyways, don’t worry we never kissed either of them! At least I know I didn’t. These boys were a riot! And we made them even more hilarious! We used to ride in the back of their cars together because we wouldn’t sit by them in the front. One day, Alberta showed me that this app on her phone or iPod, I can’t remember, could switch the song that was playing in the car. I remember we were in a drive through and we started giggling in the back because Allison had switched the song on the boy’s radio. They were so confused. They proceeded to switch their song back to the one that was originally playing, and about 10 seconds later Allison switched it again. This went on for a good five times or so until the genius duo finally figured out something was up! That was a riot! That summer was so much fun with her. We hung out with the most random people, and did the most random things but it was a summer to remember!
(This picture basically sums up our friendship and personalities. This was from, ironically, the back of their car!)
Everyone knew Alberta and I were inseparable. We actually sort of even talked and laughed the same as people pointed out so much because of how much time we spent with each other. I didn’t mind though, I thought it was actually awesome! Our favorite sayings were things like, “Beast,” “Gup tup,” “I’m doing the face hardcore,” and “MEH!!!” We had this face we did whenever we were excited about something or couldn’t believe something that was happening. We also tended to throw our phones against the wall or across the room when we got excited, so you didn’t want to be too close when we got good news! It could be hazardous.
Now you may wonder what it takes to keep a good friend all those years. I mean, after all, we have been the best of friends for about sixteen years now! Hard to believe. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Our friendship didn’t take hard work or maintenance, to keep it up like some people’s does. Our friendship just exists. We were always meant to be friends and always will be. What I love about Allison is she’s been an amazing example to me. She has one of the kindest hearts I know, and goes out of her way to make someone’s day better even if it’s something small. She is the least selfish person ever, always thinking about others and how she can make this world a better place. She isn’t afraid to stand up for what she believes in, whatever that may be, and is always true to herself. Allison was one of the only people in this world who could make me happy and forget about sad things in my life when Chris passed away and when dealing with other hard stuff. She was always there for me. She is non judgmental which is rare in people. I am grateful for Alberta Marie in my life. And even though I don’t see her or even talk to her as much as I wish we did, I know that she will always be one of my dearest friends, because no one could ever replace or take her spot. Love you Alberta!
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